I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize