it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
