Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
