I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
