Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
