So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
so much tequila, so little girl.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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