I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
