the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize