If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
