I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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