Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
