I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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