I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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