Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Randomize
