do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
