she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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