Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
