i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
