I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
