honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
