College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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