Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
