Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
