OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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