Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize