I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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