Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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