I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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