So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
