i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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