Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
