im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
