The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
