textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
