Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize