I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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