I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
