The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
