My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
