Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
