I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
