you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
