There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
