u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
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