my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
