Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
