Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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