I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
