I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
