So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
