one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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