how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
