Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
