If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
