Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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