Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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