dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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