where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
