are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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