just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
