Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
