dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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