Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
