is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
