STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
