I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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