i love accidental penises.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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