I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
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