I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
