she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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