wrigley field is MILF paradise
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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