It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
