I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
