yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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