Have you finally orgasmed yet?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
