You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize