so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Acid is not a monday night drug
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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