I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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