come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
