i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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