In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
