How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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