Only a mothe r could love this liver
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
