I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
