I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
