Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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