oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
