It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
