it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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