He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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