I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
did you just send me my own nude
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Pants are for mortals
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
