last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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