Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
