So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
