Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
