And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
even my farts smell like vagina
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
