all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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