now i know why i became what i already was.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize