I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
