i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
