I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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