i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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