i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
