Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
