I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
