just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize