I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
