I just made out with a guy for $7.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
