I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize