margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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